Guest Post: Your Postpartum Dream Team

This is a guest blog post written by Alyssa Veneklase, CED-PIC, NCS

I am a researcher. I like details, and I want to know everything before I make a major decision. When I found out I was pregnant, I researched car seats, cribs, and breast pumps – all the important things. Right? I’m here to tell you those things are not top priority. Before you spend time on all the things, first think about your postpartum team. What do I mean by that? The initial period of time after having a baby is called the postpartum time. Many people hear the word postpartum and think it means depression. It doesn’t. Postpartum depression means a mother (or father/partner) has depression during the newborn phase. So postpartum planning means that you plan ahead for what that period of time will look like after you bring your baby (or babies) home.  Who will have your back in those early weeks after giving birth? This can be a difficult time, and most mothers don’t even know they should figure out a plan early. Once you have a pretty solid plan in place, then you can move on to researching all the baby things!

Alyssa Veneklase, CED-PIC, NCS, and Kristin Revere, MM, CED, NCS, Co-authors of “Supported: Your Guide to Birth and Baby”

What are some things you should consider when postpartum planning?

Do you have a husband or partner at home to help?

If you do, consider yourself lucky! Talk to them now, while you’re pregnant, and talk about ways they could be most helpful to you. If there are any gaps, figure out who could fill those. If your husband or parter is home, do they work? If they have to work, are they able to get up in the night to help or not? An example here is a partner who is a surgeon and has to get a full nights rest for work the next day. I’ve had clients where they need to sleep in separate room on nights that the partner has to sleep and get up early. They cannot be woken throughout the night to the baby crying or feeding. On the other hand, if your partner works from home and can be flexible, enlist their help overnight as well as throughout the day!

Who will do chores such as laundry, cooking, and cleaning for the first few weeks?

Do you have the means to hire someone? If not, do you have a friend, family member, or older child who can help? If you’re a perfectionist who likes their home to be “just so”, remind yourself that it’s okay form things to be out of place for a bit. Give yourself permission to let things set for longer than you normally would. If the thought of that makes you feel anxious, just be sure to figure out who can come over and help keep things in order while you are taking the time to rest, heal, and bond with your baby. Ask a friend to start a meal train for you. Cook a bunch of freezer meals ahead of time to easily reheat. Ask friends and family to bring food when they visit (not more silly baby outfits and blankets).

Do you have pets?

Who will care for your pets, feed them, give them water, and bring them to grooming and vet appointments? Who will clean the fish bowl and pick up dog poo in the yard? Who will walk the dog?n These are great jobs for older siblings, neighbors, or family members who like animals.

Do you have older children?

Who will bring them to appointments, practices, and after-school activities? Who will get up with them in the morning before school? I talked about cooking earlier, but who will feed them (and you!)?

Do you have a planned cesarean birth?

If so, you will need extra help when you go home due to restrictions from your doctor, such as walking up stairs or lifting too much. If you have a multi-level home, consider creating a space for everything you need on the main level. You’ll need a place to sleep, a place to feed the baby, and a place to change diapers.

Are you having multiples?

It’s extremely important to have extra help if you are! I like to tell parents it’s best to have one set of hands for each baby initially. When two or three babies start crying at once, it can feel overwhelming. If you have a friend, family member, and/or postpartum doula, you should be in good shape. I’ve worked with families with triplets who had a family member and a postpartum doula in the home so that there were always three adults available for the three babies.

Do you have maternity leave? Does your partner?

If you work, it’s best to figure out maternity leave details from your employer early on. How long is your leave, is it paid, can you extend it if needed? You should also talk to the HR department about what’s covered under your insurance plan. If your partner has paternity leave, this will be a great asset for help those early weeks. Again, talk now about how your partner can best support you during this time.

Will you need overnight help?

The night time can be the most excruciating time for a mother during the newborn phase. It’s when your body wants to sleep, but your baby has other plans. If a newborn need to eat every 2 – 3 hours, this means during the night too, not just daytime. So right when you fall asleep, it seems baby is awake again needing to be fed. It can be exhausting. Can you afford to hire a postpartum doula? Postpartum doulas are trained to specifically care for the mother during this time, as well as offer newborn care. Postpartum doulas typically offer day time and/or overnight support. If you don’t have postpartum doulas in your area, or cannot afford one, do you have a trusted friend or family member willing to spend the night and help with overnight feeds, diaper changes, and getting baby back to sleep so you can go back to bed? Consider doula support as a baby shower gift instead of stuff. Register for the essentials, and then ask for gift cards toward support from your local doula agency. You’ll thank me later!

What do you do if you live away from family and friends?

I’ve worked with clients that just moved to a new city with no friends or family, and their partners work. When you’re home all day, alone, it can be isolating, lonely, and create a spiral of depression and resentment. Postpartum doulas are a great option in this scenario. They can then give you resources for a nanny as the baby gets older if that’s in your plan and budget.

What do you do if breastfeeding doesn’t go as planned?

Most mothers plan to breastfeed, but what if you don’t want to? Or it doesn’t go as expected? First, figure out if your insurance covers lactation visits. Having a local lactation consultant (IBCLC) on speed dial before you have your baby is key. You need to be able to call them immediately if you find you’re struggling. If you don’t plan to breastfeed, a lactation consultant will be helpful in the transition of stopping milk production efficiently and managing discomfort.

If you work, when do you have to go back?

We talked about maternity leave, but that can feel like it goes by so quickly! Earlier than later, you should prepare for what you want to do after you go back to work. Are you going to hire an in-home nanny, use an at-home daycare, or a daycare center? No matter what your decision, you need to call now. Yes, you need to secure child care while you’re still pregnant! Most daycare centers book up and you also want to give yourself time to interview at-home daycare providers or nannies. You want to make sure you find the right fit so you can go back to work confident your baby is well cared for.

Are you interested in learning more? Alyssa talks about these topics and more in her new book, Supported: Your Guide to Birth and Baby!

Alyssa Veneklase is a Certified Elite Postpartum & Infant Care Doula, Newborn Care Specialist, and Certified Infant & Child Sleep Consultant. She teaches several classes for Gold Coast Doulas, including Newborn Survival, Tired as a Mother, and the postpartum series of the online course Becoming a Mother. She is co-author of the book Supported: Your Guide to Birth and Baby.

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